My heart & soul will forever be yours...

My sweet and beloved fur son crossed the rainbow bridge on Friday, 16th of January 2026.

He was 16 years and 4 and a half months old.

I don't even know how to begin telling his story, but let me start with the time his fur sister Honey passed away six months earlier.

That was..., without a doubt, the most painful experience to me & Kaede.

I knew that the day would come eventually, but it still broke us both.

The pain was so overwhelming that I felt numb.

At the same time, I also knew that the time I had left with Kaede was running out.

I didn't want to waste a moment of it. More importantly, I wanted to be there for him more than ever. Even though I felt numb, jut thinking about what he was going through forced me to stay strong for him as much as I could.

I cried a lot. I wailed a lot.

He cried a lot every day for the first 2 weeks after Honey's passing.

His sad cries almost broke me.

But I tried to smile in front of him.

He was far too smart to be deceived, I knew that... Still I smiled and talked to him cheerfully as much as I could.

People often asked me whether Kaede declined because of the loss of his sister.

To both of us, losing Honey was the hardest thing we had ever to recover from...Well,  we would never truly be ok without her, no doubt about that, but we did recover enough to keep going.

The big, bottomless hole that Honey left in our hearts was never going to be filled, because the hole itself was Honey. But Kaede & I were there for each other every single second, wrapping abundant of our love around that emptiness.

When I had them both right next to me, I felt heavenly. It gave such a tremendous sense of love and happiness that I felt euphoric. Nothing can ever beat that feeling. No doubt that those were the happiest moments of my entire life.

I can’t even tell the friends that I trust how much I am suffering and grieving their loss, because I don’t want them to worry about me, and more importantly, I don’t even know how to describe or express it.

Enough about my grief. Let me go back to Kaede's last days.

I really think Kaede was aging in a very typical way.

First, he started to slowing down.

Then came digestive problems.

Only a week before, I noticed the first signs of appetite loss.

Then, walking issues.

He was slow but he was always happy. (photos are both 3 days before his final day)

I had been consulting with my vets to make sure everything was ok and he was comfortable.

But when I saw the appetite loss, I asked for their advice on whether it was the time for me to make the toughest decision. We booked the procedure to say goodbye for Friday that week.

On the morning of the final day, we went to work together.

I didn't want him to feel anything was different but just wanted him to have a normal happy day as usual.

Also, I wanted him to see my very dear client one last time since she had been so wonderful to both Kaede & me.

Kaede was in his pram, comfortably resting. She and I gave him cuddles and kisses.

She told me I didn't need to give her treatment because she was there for us as a friend.

I thought about it but I also thought what Kaede would want and decided to keep things as normal as possible.

We put the pram next to us and started the treatment.

We always talked a lot and laughed during our sessions so that's exactly what we did, while checked on him every few minutes.

It had probably only been abut 10 minute when I looked at him and saw that he was sleeping peacefully.

Then something told me to check him again.

His tummy wasn't moving.

Just like that, he went into his final sleep very quietly and peacefully.

I want to believe that he was listening to us talking and laughing as usual and he thought that I would be ok.

My vets were scheduled to come to my place that afternoon.

Kaede passed away by himself three hours before the scheduled visit, saving me from having to go through watching his final "injection".

My friends were already gathering for the final moment to say goodbye to him and to support me.

I did not have to organise anything after his passing, nor did I have to go through the painful experience.

What better fur-son could I ask for?

I've thought so much about euthanasia and I want to share my thoughts in the hope that they would help someone like me.

Euthanasia

When people say it’s the right thing to do to put them down because “they are suffering so we should put a stop to it”. I understand that. Of course, we never want our beloved fur children to experience any pain. That is the last thing any fur parent wants. But, how do we know for sure?

The vet said so?

You think they are suffering?

For some cases, it may be obvious that they are in pain, but it's not always that straightforward. Ending a life is an impossible decision to make, so you want to be absolutely sure. But the question is, how do you know when it is "the time"?

This is only my opinion, but the situation varies from one animal to another, just like it does with people.

I am single, so if the time comes, it's not hard for me to say “Put me down now”.

But if I had someone depending on me, I would try to hold on for them.

I believe animals are the same. It is important to listen and try to understand what each animal wants before assuming and jumping to conclusions.

"Duh! Animals are different, so we humans should decide for them."?

Absolutely.

Your animals will understand and accept whatever decision you make. But giving more weight to "what they truly want" than "what you think should do" won't hurt, will it?

Many people, including your vet, may tell you many things of what you should do.

You can take all of that advice into consideration, but you are the only one who can make the decision. And you are the only one responsible for the outcome. You are the one who will keep asking yourself , "Was it the right decision?" for the rest of your life. You will always find a way to feel guilty, no matter what you choose.

I tried so hard to find the right answer for both Honey & Kaede. No matter how much I thought about it, it just seemed impossible. But still, I wanted to know what they wished.

What I did was talk to an animal communicator.

I know some people don't believe in that kind of thing, but I do.

Right after I made the difficult decision for Kaede, I booked an emergency session with Donna, the animal communicator.

I asked her to ask Kaede whether he was ready to go.

According to Donna, Kaede said that he could still go on (even though his body was giving up).

"What's going to happen to mommy if I go. I can still stay with her."

I was worried that I had made the decision either too early or too late, and that I might have been making him suffer.

To my surprise, he was worried about me, not himself!

Honey was a very tough cockie, even though she was very sensitive to human emotions. She never cried or complained about injections. Kaede, on the other hand, always cried and whined.

I thought he might not be strong enough if he was in any pain or discomfort. But I could not have been more wrong. He would do his best for his mommy - for me.

I would do anything for him even if that meant saying goodbye. But he wanted what I wanted. He was hanging on for me.

Have you read this story "The gift of the Magi"

When I read that story as a little girl, it gave me such a deep impact on me, and it has stayed with me since.

I thought it was so beautiful, and that true love must look like that - sacrificing what you cherish most to give something that your loved one would cherish.

I believe that's what Kaede and I had.

If this is not true love what is?

I don't know how many people can understand a person like me.

I think animal souls are much higher beings than we are.

We humans were given intelligence, but in exchange, life can be so complicated and challenging. This world we live in can feel like hell sometimes, and although animals do not even have to be here, they are here to support us so we don't give up easily.

I want to thank all of you who have been so understanding and supportive, and for letting me keep my babies close to me.

I understand that it may not have always been the most professional approach, but balancing my care for them, managing a business, and coping with the absence of Honey was incredibly challenging, and I am deeply grateful for your support.

While nothing can truly fill the void left by Honey, your kindness allowed me to give Kaede an abundance of love that helped wrap around that emptiness.

I know that this is what I signed up for when I welcomed animal family into my life.

I knew the end would come.

But still, it does not make the pain any less. It is incredibly hard. It is so cruel that they are taken from us.

I've been ok enough since then, but if I'm honest, I've been struggling to adjust to my new reality.

I miss them every single second. I want nothing but them.

But also I have nothing but appreciation and love for them and for this life I’m living right now.

For 17 long years of my life, I had ultimate happiness and love.

Not everyone can have that kind of life. That is a miracle.

So I wanna say to Honey & Kaede "thank you".

Thank you for being my miracle.

Thank you for protecting me.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for making me feel loved.

An infinity amount of thanks....

I don't know what kind of life is ahead of me.

But I do know that I do not want, I won't, ruin everything they gave me by sulking and crying everyday. I don't want to focus on what I lost, but on what I had and what I have now because of them.

Lastly, I want to say big thank you to my vets Natalie & Andrew who were there for us every step of the way. You cried with me, treated us such compassion and truly honest advice. Without them, I could not have had such a peaceful ending with my boy.

You are truly sincere and any pet parent would appreciate and respect what you do.

Reference:

Animal communicator Donna Hammer

The Beaches Vet

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Our love is absolute and eternal