Our love is absolute and eternal

My sweet and loving fur daughter Honey crossed the rainbow bridge on Thursday 17th of July 2025.

She was sixteen and a half years old.

She wasn’t just any fur-daughter. She was my soulmate. She was a part of me. She was my whole world.

For those who have known me know how much she meant to me. The love towards her and her brother Kaede was not something I can describe in words. The pain I am feeling cannot be described in any words that exist in the whole universe. Even if I tried to, that would probably sound something entirely different. Literally, nothing is more important than them. I may need a lot of things but all & only I want is them by my side. Yes’ that’s me.

I had very strong, deep and special connection with Honey.

If I describe what she was, “a daemon” from the movie Golden Compass/ His dark material (TV series) sounds perfectly right.

Dæmons are the external physical manifestation of a person's soul, taking the form of an animal companion that accompanies them throughout their life.

• They represent a person's inner self and are essentially a part of their soul made visible.

• Daemons are always connected to their human and cannot stray far without causing pain to both.

• The Bond between a human and their daemon is incredibly strong. They are essentially one being, and separation, even temporary, causes immense pain and distress.

• Death of One Means Death of Both. The death of either the human or the daemon results in the immediate death of the other.

Honey was my daemon.

I didn't think I would be able to go on without her.

Everytime I felt/feel deep love towards my fur babies, the thought of losing them creeps in leaving this heavy whirling emotions in my heart. I've thought about this day A LOT. I still do for my other baby, Kaede. This is apparently called anticipatory grief which you go through grieving stages BEFORE your loved ones pass.

Well, I am not here to talk about my grief. I want to share my story in hopes to help others who are going through grief, who will go through grief one day, who have animal lover friends, veterinarians, and everyone who are involved in anyway around animals.

For all animal lovers

To just think about the final day gives you unsettling, heart wrenching feelings but... as cruel as it sounds, the day will come.

You can try run away as far as possible but the fate will catch you and your beloved fur babies eventually.

My way of running from the fate was to make them healthy as possible as I can with providing healthy life style & food and happy environment.

I tried to be ready but only to realise that I was never going to be ready.

So I prepared myself to accept that “I’ll never be ready.”

Grief is consuming. You could lose yourself in it.

To make the matter worse, no matter what you do, nothing will take your grief away.

The least you can do is to accept it.

That won’t take your pain away but being able to accept is very important for you and help you  in the darkest time. It did to me at least.

I was able to accept it. How & Why?

Acceptance and understanding are two different things though.

Kaede and I accepted Honey’s passing but we still struggling to understand what it means. For many years, she was there and one day she wasn’t anymore is hard to comprehend.

You will regret no matter what

They say, try to live a life without regrets.

But when it comes to your loved ones, you WILL have regrets in some extent.

If you ask me, it is IMPOSSIBLE not to have “what ifs”.

So I decided not to get worked up with "try not to regret later" part because I was already doing my very best and even so I knew I would find something to regret.

Instead, I made everyday, every second count.

I spent every day like it was the last day together.

Make them happy with all you’ve got every single second to make happy memories exceed regrets.

That’s all and best you can do and that’s ok..

I was/am hoping that my babies will be happy and healthy until the very end and they will leave this world in their sleep.

Which means, even though they look like they are going to live forever today, they could leave me tomorrow.

I cannot say “why? You were so happy and healthy yesterday..!” when that actually happens, right?

If I wish that to come true, then I spend everyday like our last day.

It’s all about your beloved fur-kids and you

In my case, Honey started showing distress after-hours so I had to take her to an emergency vet instead of my usual vets and the experience there was horrible.

Here below is the details and it’s long so you can skip this part if you like.

The experience of dealing with the emergency vet and nurse was nothing but horrible. The nurse came out to the waiting area with an unfriendly look and said “is she friendly?” Like she’s not sure if she wanted to touch her when Honey was quietly in my arms looking extremely tired. I understand Corgis are known as “snippy dogs”but some compassion would be appreciated as some Corgis like my Honey are not snippy at all but loving, happy and friendly ones. To be asked in that way hurt my feelings especially when Honey loved people.

And when I was called in by a vet, the first thing she said to me was “I don't know what's causing Honey this way but look, Honey is old and has dementia so I think it’s ok to do ‘it’." That’s exactly what she said. I was like, “‘it’? as in euthanasia?” And she said “yes”. I wasn’t sure if it was the right decision then. I am not against it but wanted to, had to make the absolute right decision for Honey and myself. The vet told me that it was my human ego. She also mentioned that she understood my culture but she euthanises animals every day and I needed to understand where they were coming from.

But she did not find any actual cause of WHY Honey was suddenly so lethargic. O2 sat was a bit low (it was 90) but her core temp was normal, her heart and lung sounds were normal. I could not just accept to put her down after 16 and a half years together with such weak reasons so, despite the unhappy vet’s advice, I asked for more non-invasive tests on her. 

They did a blood test, X-ray, and ultrasound which all came back in reasonable normal ranges. Yet, the vet was only interested in putting her down. Honey went for a walk on that day and she was walking around the house one hour before and how could I say “ok, let’s do that!” Without any convincing facts. I told the vet that “it’s between me and Honey. I just want to make the absolute right decision and you are going to “HELP” me get there and not to make it for us.”

I wanted to take her home and call my usual vet to come to my house if it comes to that but Honey was kept overnight in an oxygen box as advised. The advice as in “Do you want her to drown to death? Is that what you want?” No joke, that’s how she spoke to me. By the way, Honey didn’t have pneumonia then or ever. Her lung sound was perfectly clear. I got confused and asked if there's any issue in her lung. She replied “well, she’s ok now but it could happen.” Again, no medical facts or convincing explanations. I anxiously left there as she could breath easily with oxygen supply.

At 11.30pm on that night, I had a phone call from that vet who claimed “Honey has brain damage and I don’t think she’s with us.” According to her, Honey tilted her head a few times and when she got up she walked to the corner of the box she was kept and stood still there.

Honey always did that to get up in her last days. Well, she was an old lady and her body was weaker than before. On top of that she was wearing her jumper and diaper which sort of restricted her movement. So what she did was to swing her head  in order to get up on her feet. It still makes me smile remembering her attempts.

I didn’t realise until later that it was her trying to get up (which was a good sign to me) but only the “brain damage” part stuck with me and I couldn’t bear it. I rushed to the vet thinking it was the time.

I got there and saw Honey and she lifted her head saying “Hi mommy”. She definitely recognised me and looked comfortable enough in the oxygen box. I looked at the vet and said “I think she’s still with us…?” then she replied “well.. she wasn’t like that before but I would still do ‘it’.” I mean, would you say that to your family too?  Again, there was no medical fact that Honey had brain damage but she “thought” that it was. She never once asked me what I wanted for Honey but what she thought I should do. Her shift was ending at 1am. I can’t help but think “was she thinking about her commission and wanted to finish her job before her shift ends?”

In that moment, she’d successfully made me feel somewhat guilty not deciding to kill her already. I was pressured to go ahead and I almost said yes but I strongly felt that it wasn't the right time to put her down at that very moment and it wasn’t just I didn’t want to let her go but something told me it wasn’t the time yet. I mean I could tell that she was trying. So I said to the vet “Honey was everything to me. She was my whole world. I look at her like that now, I can’t go ahead I’m sorry.” I tried to be strong for Honey but tears started flooding out from my eyes. When the vet saw my tears she sad “well…if you are not ready then…” So I even thanked her for understanding. I didn’t feel anger towards her until later.

I'll skip any more details but I waited until the next afternoon and when I saw Honey then I knew. 

My friend kindly took me and Kaede there told me that “it’s ok to take Honey home and call Andrew (our usual vet) to come to you”. But even though Honey seemed comfortable I knew that she was ready. She was just lying there peacefully with no energy left. It was as if she was telling me with her eyes and breathing that “I've tried for you but I’m ready now but I’ll wait for you until you’re ready mommy”. She was still so soft, warm, fluffy and gentle and looked so calm and so so beautiful. I remember that she was even glowing. It was magical how beautiful she looked.

Around 2.30pm on Thursday 17th of July, Honey went in my arms peacefully and beautifully.

So my point is, if you think about your fur kids first and most, the answer will come naturally. No fur parent wants to see their fur kids suffer but do not let anyone decide the final decision just because “they said so”. I think I was till pressured into the idea in some extent, but if I went ahead to put her down anytime earlier than it was to make the vet happy and later realised that Honey was only trying to get up, I would have killed myself if it weren’t for Kaede. The possibility horrifies me still.

So it is between you and your fur kids. Vets should be there to “help” you with the medical facts and possible scenarios that you cannot gain to guide you to the right decision in your own pace. Really listen to them and listen to your heart to make the absolute right decision so that you can accept it at least. The end is coming and it is very important to have an ending that you can live on afterwards. Not being able to accept or regret the final decision could be nothing but hell. It'll haunt you and will stain your heart forever.

For all veterinarians

I admire your work. I really do. I was once aiming to be a veterinarian too as my cherished dream. And most times and most vets I encountered were nothing but compassionate and fantastic.

But please, please do not forget how much our fur-kids mean to some of us.

Please do not get used to put them down as a front of "it's our responsibility" or "it's for their sake”.

Please do not tell us about "their quality of life" like a broken record.

Absolutely no one else who loves their fur kids is thinking about their kids' quality of life.

Euthanasia is a selfless act of deep love and it's the HARDEST decision for the guardians.

In some cases, I understand that intervention or convincing is necessary but I believe most pet parents are loving ones. So don’t assume and treat everyone because of the selfish ones. Do not rush them but just guide them with scenarios of what could happen and LET THEM COME TO SENSES THEMSELVES IN THEIR OWN PACE. As professionals, it’s important to analyse each one of them and help and “lead” them to get there with a tailored approach.

I was told by the vets repeatedly about “quality of life” (again, without any medical facts) as if I didn’t think about it at all but myself not wanting to let her go. I think that is so out of question and they said that to make me feel guilty. To me, it was absolutely ALL about Honey and her quality of life is the most important thing for me. For a 16.5 years old Corgi, she looked fantastic! Many people could not believe her age. I get a lot of “months?” as a reaction to when I said her age. To be told to think about your fur-kids’ “quality of life” by anyone greatly offends loving pet parents.

We go to the vets to get answers that only vets can tell. If I wanted to know what a stranger thinks about what I should do in this situation, I might as well go outside and ask any stranger. “Hey, my dog’s in this condition, what do you think I should do?” “Well, I think it’s ok to do it mate!” “Ok thank you!” 

Professional opinions have so much more power than you might think. I was strong enough and determined enough to do the right thing by Honey but I actually almost listened to the first vet. She was coming at me that strong, opinionated and judgemental.

Most vets' diagnose or prognosis may be right but forcing it to a grieving pet parents who are just wanting what's right for their fur kids is not the only part of their job - "treating animals". Explaining and lead them with compassion to get what's right are also an important part of the job is what I strongly think.

Lastly, my case was an unfortunate case but what most of you do deserves more than a thank you. I can only imagine what it means (or what it does to you) to deal with precious lives and I truly admire your hard work to help the helpless and their guardians. Not every pet parent is easy to deal with but you continue to be there for both animals and humans. So a big thank you from me.

For anyone who hasn't had animal love experience

You don't understand the love some of us feel towards animals and that's totally ok. No hard feelings. I am not a big fun of some species either.

But please remember not to make the first response with positive words such as "it's good that they aren’t in pain anymore”, “you can get another one” or "now you can travel." etc.

We as a grieving fur parent, all we hear from those comments is "it's good they died period' or “they are replaceable” and that greatly invalidates our pain and makes us feel isolated.

No one understands my pain and what I'm going through...?

The pain I'm feeling is very real to me but I should be happy about my little girl's passing...?

And I know that it is not your intension at all. I totally understand that you just heard sad news and just wanted to console your friend. Or maybe you panic and feel pressured to say something nice. I know that everyone grieves differently but if you could please focus on their pain first and not on "good" things even if that's true.

You can just say "oh I'm very sorry. I know how much you loved them." That would be greatly appreciated.

I started pouring my feelings here since her passing...I was too upset to publish it but I think I'm ready to share.

I hope this helps some people.

Thank you

With Love

Yuriko

Books I've read

Pet loss & grief Donna Hamer

Yes, pets do go to heaven! Sophia Grace